Love is in the air as couples across the country share their vows and toast to their undying love. However, leading relationship and sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman cautions that many of these newlyweds aren’t fully prepared for the realities of married life.
“I often see couples in my office who walked down the aisle before they were truly ready,” says Dr. Berman, New York Times bestselling author and television and radio host. “So many relationship issues could be prevented if people learn to communicate authentically before they become life partners.”
Here is Dr. Berman’s top relationship advice from her new book “Quantum Love: Use Your Body’s Atomic Energy to Create the Relationship You Desire”:
You can ‘win’ an argument without saying a word. “The next time you and your partner are in an argument, stop yourself for a moment. Close your eyes and get into a state of unconditional love—you can do so by remembering a time you felt perfectly at peace and connected to your heart, such as when your partner proposed. Connect to how you felt at that time, both physically and emotionally. Feel how it changes your energetic state—and notice how your energy in turn changes your partner’s energy. That is quantum love in action.”
Don’t assume that love and lust always come easily. “Despite what you see in Hollywood movies, real love and passion don’t just happen—and continue happening—all on their own. Love is an action, and you have to constantly create it. You have to be the architect of your own relationship,” she says.
You are responsible for your own happiness. “Don’t go into your marriage thinking that your partner is responsible for your mood. If he walks in the door in a foul mood, you are still in charge of your own emotions and your own actions. You can choose to maintain your positive energy rather than switch to his negative energy state. In doing so, you can actually impact his mood for the better as well as your own.”
Be the change you want to see in your relationship. “If you want a romantic relationship, then you need to be a romantic partner. Don’t sit back and wait for your partner to make the first move. Ask yourself: What is one thing I can do today to make my partner feel desired? What is one thing I can do to make him feel loved and adored? When you bring that energy to your relationship, you will inspire your partner to do the same.”
Laura Berman, PhD, is a world renowned sex and relationship educator and therapist; popular TV, radio and Internet host; New York Times best-selling author; and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. Considered a thought leader in her field, Dr. Berman has helped countless couples build stronger relationships, improve their sex lives, and achieve a heightened level of intimacy through her TV and radio shows, books, columns and website, along with her private practice based in Chicago. Dr. Berman is a New York Times best-selling author of many books on sexual health and pleasure, a weekly columnist for the Chicago Sun Times, and host of the radio program “Uncovered with Dr. Laura Berman.” She has appeared on Fox News, CNN and the TODAY Show, as well as in The New York Times, USA Today, and every major woman’s magazine. Dr. Berman serves on the advisory board for The Dr. Oz Show and is a regular guest on The Steve Harvey Show.