Ceremony in a month? We get it! Just got engaged? We understand. But don’t let your wedding planning for an event that’s a year away take over every spare minute of you and your fiance’s free time. You still need couple time…to laugh, go out, stay in and talk about other things than the wedding. There’s life after the wedding (which is the whole point of the wedding!), so don’t let the planning take over to the point where you forget why or who you’re with in the first place.
We understand. We know you want your wedding to be perfect. But I’ve talked to brides who have visited 40 reception halls or 15 gown salons or 20 photographers. That takes up A LOT of time—and is just not necessary. That’s overkill—and will wind up killing you two, especially if you’ve got incredibly busy work schedules. If your groom has reached saturation point (you’ll know when he says “another place this weekend??”), preview locations by yourself and bring him back to the true contenders. If you still can’t decide on a location, take a break from your scouting and go enjoy your free time together. We promise you, with research and referrals and trusting your instincts, it will all fall into place.
It’s his wedding, too. Hand over the reigns for the music, photographer, honeymoon, menu, transportation, photo booth, videographer or cigar roller. Or ALL of the above. This will make him actively involved in your wedding (if he isn’t already) and will also free up a lot of your time.
Just like you need to be comfortable in what your wearing (and you’d most likely never let him pick your wedding gown off of a rack), he should feel 110% on your wedding day as well, and that comes down to wearing what makes him feel good. So talk about the options. It’s fine to explain why linen pants and an unbuttoned shirt may not be suitable for the grand ballroom wedding that you’ve got planned, but you need to take into account his style as well and what makes him feel his most handsome.
Just don’t. This is one event where you’re going to need to just turn a blind eye and walk away. Boys need to be boys, and in most cases this crazy night (or weekend) turns out just fine. Bits and pieces of their debauchery will slip out over the years to come, but that’s just all part of their fun that girls don’t understand. And don’t try to understand. Let him have his fun, and he’ll love you that much more.
OK, maybe your mom truly isn’t controlling. But just keep in mind that your fiancé is marrying YOU, not your mom. And while your parents are bound to have many wonderful helpful suggestions, if at any point they become contrary to your fiance’s wishes, you need to sit down and discuss it so that your future husband doesn’t feel like his wants and needs are taking a back seat to mom and dad. This can be a struggle for some brides—but now’s the time to be aware and put everyone in their proper place in your life.
How could those adorable little penguins (or ribbon or orchids or flower girl dresses) that are perfect in every way and you obviously, obsessively must HAVE possibly cost that much? Men are much more practical about the details. Especially details that cost a lot of money. We love the perfect wedding touches just as much as you do, but sometimes the $5 favor will work just as well as the $20 one (especially when you have 300 guests). And your groom may just need to be the one to point that out to you. When he sees a pot of $50,000, he may be thinking of a down payment on a house, not the most amazing wedding favors your guests have ever seen. So while we don’t want you to compromise your wedding vision, we also want you to keep an open, practical mind. No, he’s not being a miser to ruin your day. He’s just got your best interest at heart. Once that wedding is over, the favors will be forgotten (and in the trash), but any money left in the bank can be a great investment in your future house.
Such as peonies that are just the right shade of pale strawberry pink with a touch of fuchsia that none of the local florists have in stock. Or tracking down the baker who makes mini crème brulees that are creamy but not too creamy in tiny heart-shaped ramekins that are perfectly crystallized on top with your initials. Or the heels that are three inches high with just enough crystals, but not too many, that are strappy without being too chunky with no platform yet still comfortable, in the lightest shade of ivory that’s not too white. You get the idea. It doesn’t really matter what it is—you WILL become obsessed with some detail surrounding your wedding attire, décor or menu. And let’s just say that it’s best to not overwhelm or bombard your groom with the specifics in your quest to find this most holy of wedding details. He most likely will not understand. And that’s OK. Rather than frustrate him with your play-by-play of why it’s not quite right yet and frustrate yourself with his insistence that the first mediocre option you’ve found is fine, just keep your little obsession to yourself. And of course, share it with us. We understand.
We see it all the time. Brides get so focused on the details of the wedding that they forget about why they’re actually getting married—spending the rest of your life with the love of your life. Be sure to nourish and cultivate that love alongside the wedding planning so that you don’t wind up with a groom who feels neglected or just a pawn the day of the event. Continually take a step back and make sure that you’re enjoying quality couple time together so that you don’t become disconnected in the wedding whirlwind. And be mindful and respectful of each other’s wishes every step of the way. This isn’t just the bride’s wedding. It’s YOUR wedding together.