Now you’re planning the day, and you pay a visit to the monsignor of your dream church to set the date. But he tells you it won’t be possible for you to get married there. You wheedle, you cajole, you offer to make an extra donation, but he stands firm. Do you scream at him that he’s going to go to hell for ruining your wedding? If the answer is yes, you just might be what is commonly called a bridezilla.

"Every bride has the potential to become a bridezilla, some just handle the stress better than others,” says Leslie Dimaya, of the Bridal Scout, a wedding planner in Hoboken. “This is the first wedding most people have planned, and it can be completely overwhelming.” That feeling of being overwhelmed can cause a normally sane woman to go ballistic over small details, when it’s really the big picture that’s the problem.

“Most brides are nice people who get sucked into the vortex of wedding-planning stress,” says Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway, wedding officiant, bridal stress expert, and author of Wedding Goddess: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005). “They get overwhelmed by the pressure and expectations of those around them and sometimes overreact or melt down. I would consider the true bridezillas to be the gals who get ridiculously controlling, treating everyone on the wedding path like a slave. They are often the women who look for problems and things to criticize. Because they are so controlling and demanding, they come across being a bit of caricature.”

So what’s a stressed-out bridezilla to do? “Every bride is going to have at least one freakout,” says Christy Stoehr, senior planner at Oh So Fabulous, wedding and event planners in Maywood (201-981-7280; ohsofab.com). Whether you use a wedding planner or not, preparedness is the key. “Knowing that everything is covered usually calms them down a lot,” says Stoehr.

Keep track of everything. Make lists and check everything off as it is taken care of. Try to be as organized as possible, so you can avoid the stress of searching for misplaced contracts or phone numbers. And if you hire a planner, trust her to do her job. “The wedding planner oversees all the details,” says Dimaya, “so the bride doesn’t have to worry. The bride can enjoy the day while someone else worries.”

Talking to other brides can help, too. “Simply being aware that planning a wedding is stressful is a huge help,” says Arlene Cronk, president of New York Wedding Group. “It’s bad enough to experience the rough moments. It’s made worse when the bride feels bad that she’s feeling bad. Knowing that you are not alone is a huge relief.”

Check out wedding-planning seminars and classes offered throughout the state, like those offered at the Bridal Scout. Discussing your frustrations with other people in the same position can help remind you that this is supposed to be a joyous occasion, not a planning nightmare.