These experiences have left me with one question: “How exactly do brides choose their bridesmaids?” There must be a certain strategy behind it. So, to find out, I consulted a variety of brides from around the state.

After engagement, one of the first decisions many brides make is to select their bridal party. For brides like Lynette Meister, a teacher from Northampton, Pennsylvania, who got married last June at the Crystal Point Yacht Club in Point Pleasant, it was a no-brainer. “I chose family and friends who were supportive, dependable, and caring,” she says of her nine bridesmaids. “I wanted bridesmaids who were always there for me and would support me. I knew that the women I chose would continue to be part of our lives, and that was important.”

Krystyn Gallant, a graduate student from Woodbridge who got married at the Shadowbrook in Shrewsbury, struggled with choosing her maids. Instead of having her sister-in-law, who she wasn’t close with, be a bridesmaid, she decided to ask her to read a passage instead. “For my maid of honor, I ended up choosing a friend who I had grown close to a few years before my engagement,” says Gallant. “About four months before the wedding, she decided to step down. I was upset she couldn’t be there for me, but she just couldn’t deal with planning everything and the overall craziness of the wedding.”

Many brides acknowledge the huge responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid. According to the women interviewed, they anticipate their bridesmaids spending upward of $2,000 each, which is an enormous financial commitment, especially given today’s economic climate. They also believe that bridesmaids are responsible for planning and paying for the wedding shower and bachelorette party, helping select the wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses, giving input on the wedding plans, checking in on the bride to see if she needs anything, and assisting in any way needed on the big day, including fluffing the train for every picture.

For many, being a bridesmaid can feel like a part-time job (without the part-time pay). Knowing this, Laura LoCastro-Bio from Deptford, who got married at the Ballroom at the Ben in Philadelphia last September, struggled when making her decision for maid of honor. “I had to choose between my older sister and my best friend, who introduced me to my husband,” she says. “I knew my sister was way too busy between work and graduate school to plan everything, and since my best friend was an experienced bridesmaid, I decided to ask her to be my maid of honor. When I spoke with my sister about it, she completely understood.”

Caterina Chiaravalloti, a marketing coordinator from Gladstone, recently selected eight bridesmaids for her upcoming wedding at the Crystal Plaza in Livingston in January 2010. As a “seasoned” bridesmaid, she offers some keen insight for brides: “Start by choosing the people who you want surrounding you on your big day, those who understand you, and who you want to honor as friends,” she says. “Be careful of girls who are jealous. Women can be vicious, especially single, insecure women who feel like their day will never come for them. And be kind to your bridesmaids. Remember, they are there to share the special experience with you, not to act as your maid.”

More tips to keep in mind:

• Make sure that the girls you choose are able to commit both the time and the money to being in your wedding party.  If you feel that your friend/family member can’t commit, then have them do a reading at the ceremony instead.

• It might be wise to have one bridesmaid who has been in a wedding before.  You always want to have girls who are familiar with the responsibilities that come with the job and who have experienced the chaos of a wedding.

• Look for bridesmaids who are kind, amicable, and open to new ideas. For many brides, their wedding party is a collection of family, and friends from high school, college, and work. It’s likely that those girls haven’t met each other, so choose girls who will get along.

• Invite women to be in your wedding party who have proven their friendship to you and who have been in your life for a few years. Asking a new friend might backfire, and you don’t want to be left filling a vacancy in your bridal party three days before your wedding.

• Choose girls who are not jealous or competitive in any way. You want to be surrounding by a loving group of women friends, not by ones who are going to tell you your hair looks flat.