By Patricia Koch
You’ve fallen in love. Now try putting that magical connection
into words to explain why you belong together forever. Original vows
can be the centerpiece of an especially memorable ceremony. That’s
why New Jersey couples—as many as 40 percent of them, according
to officiants we spoke with—are writing their own. If you’re
game, here are some expert tips:
Speak from your heart “When couples prefer personal sentiment
to pre-packaged words, I suggest they tap into their feelings, stay under
fifty words, and avoid the words ‘honor’ and ‘obey,’” says
Mitchell Maged (201-410-6834; mitchtheminister.com),
“I advise brides and grooms to write five sentences from their
hearts to reflect the openness and permanence of their relationship,” adds
Father Vince Corso (973-571-0053; fathervince.com).
In her book, 1000 Best Secrets for your Perfect Wedding, New Jersey
Bride contributing writer and author Sharon Naylor suggests using a love
letter or diary entry that reflects “what you find most important
in each other, in your partnership, in marriage, and in love universally.”
There’s no right or wrong way. Couples have exchanged one set
of vows, surprised each other with totally different vows, even had one
speak traditional vows and the other original ones. In all cases, they
were officially married.
Don’t memorize Spare your nerves and read your vows—or repeat
them after an officiant. “Vows come at the emotional height of
the ceremony, when you’re ready to explode,” Maged counsels. “So
my couples write them on index cards to read when the time comes. I ask
them to keep these vows secret from each other, so they’re fresh
for the ceremony.”
Stick with tradition There’s nothing wrong with traditional vows;
couples have been tying the knot with them for generations. As Father
Vince tells us, “Some couples feel connected to grandparents and
parents by saying traditional ‘I dos.’ Old or new vows don’t
measure a marriage. These couples have already pledged themselves to
one another. This is simply the public proclamation of something that’s
been in their hearts for a long time.”
For ever after Even so, there’s something magical about phrasing
your mutual love in your own words. When couples do, Maged claims, “It’s
like I’m not really marrying them; they’re marrying each
other. I always suggest they tuck away their vows to re-read on their
first anniversary.”